I will continue from where I left of yesterday and continue to squash my own balls. Why? Are you a masochist, Frae? i know that's what you're asking and my answer to that is...only on days that end in "Y". However, there is a greater reason I'm doing this. It is to let you all know that you have power in yourself to do great things. By owning what you've done to put yourself in a situation, you gain the power to understand you can change your situation. You won't feel like your life is completely out of your hands! The other reason is very simple; I DON'T WANT YOU TO MAKE THESE SAME MISTAKES. I love to get more independent artists out there in the world especially minorities. We don't have to keep expecting these companies to do things for us when we have buying power and our own community that can support us. Not to say "exclude" anyone from anything, but rather I want people to do more for themselves and stop relying on others (like I relied on Asim in the previous blog). You have the brains. You have the ideas. you have the talent. Just go out and do it and do it BIG! Now...let's continue. Why I f*cked myself...

    I say this a lot. I wasted the majority of my 20s. It wasn't because I was from some conservative family and I became a wild child once I got to college. I mean...I did go wild at times, but my parents weren't really strict. In fact, I was kind of a goodie, goodie nerd until I turned 21. Now, I'm a nerd with attitude. But, I can recall wasting my time and putting off focusing on art. I wanted to go party or i wanted to go sleep with women, or get drunk, or whatever. Even when i had downtime, I would spend it playing mostly eating pizza and playing video games the whole night. I wouldn't touch any art stuff for weeks and weeks on end. Even after I would sell stuff at a convention, I wouldn't make any effort to have a follow up with customers. I figured "I put the work out there. Shit will just fall in my lap" VERY WRONG THINKING. "Anything worth having is worth fighting for". I didn't have the fight in me at the time and didn't give a crap about where I was going in the future. My laziness has cost me getting into an art college that intern directly for Disney and having any networking contacts in art after college. Don't focus too much on the "play hard" without remembering to "work hard" as well. 

     There is this guy named Brion Foulke who does a comic called Flipside (it's really good check it out here). I remember seeing his work when I sold at my first convention over 10 years ago. At the time, he had I think 3 or 4 volumes already done of his comic. I remember being amazed and inspired. I would go home and work on my work, but keep restarting over and over. Then, I would make a new story and try to do that on TOP of the original story. In fact, Endlocke is a rebooted version of Deadlock, the graphic novel that I was selling in the past. THIS STORY IS TECHNICALLY 15+ YEARS OLD, but I kept restarting it. If I had just kept going with it, I could be travelling all across the country right now selling my 9 volumes of my original work like Brion is doing now. You think there isn't some things he regrets in his stories? However, he kept pushing forward and is able to live his dreams now. I don't know a single artists who thinks their artwork is perfect! I was foolish to believe that i would obtain perfection so I should keep starting over. Embrace your flaws. Learn from them and continue to improve as you go along. It's what makes a lot fans become fans as they get to grow along side you. 

   Those are the 4 main reasons I'm not as big as i could have been. NOTICE. Please take notice not one of these reasons involved MY RACE. If you're looking for me to push the "black narrative", I will never do that as most of it wants us to stay in a victim mentality. THERE IS NO REASON YOU CAN'T SUCCEED. Just because others might not give you the opportunities you want doesn't mean you don't or won't get the opportunities! Especially in this day and age where you can crowdfund, do patron, and contact many independent publishers to get your work out there. You are just as smart. Just as capable and just as talented to forge your own way. I hope this was helpful in some sort of way. I'm know people are probably thinking "Man, he acts like he just a royal fuck up!"...not so fast. Heh Heh. I have done some good that helped neutralize these problems and even put me ahead of people that are my age. However, I'll leave the ball stroking for another blog.